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woke up the eyeballs

by bark dog

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Samwell
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Samwell but u r strong, just like me Favorite track: hymn.
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1.
waking up 03:04
waking up today i won’t look the other way again, every fiction has an end now you’re gone i admit i was wrong but i won’t compromise myself for long burning bridges as i bled i cut the music, went to bed cause i can’t take back what i said have i lost half my friends or is it all just in my head i’m waking up all the time from now on i will glide like swirls of smoke in tinted light i’m waking up til i die like swirls of smoke in tinted light i’m waking up til i die
2.
i look out on the scene i don't wanna repeat the things that hurt you deep but i don't think that it's right when you turn out the light as the snowman melts in the living room i'm upping my dose feel so out of control i need to find another way i know there's a side of you that i never see but you've got some ghosts in you left to let free i want it to rain maybe drown out the pain of yesterday or wake me from this dream i'm a self-fulfilling prophecy i'm a self-fulfilling prophecy i'm a self-fulfilling prophecy i'm a self-fulfilling prophecy
3.
washer/dryer 02:20
the combination washer/dryer spun outside of where we thought that it could go bringing down with it the walls of insulation that we had always known i could’ve sworn that i saw it in the air but there was a glare and i couldn’t say for sure maybe my imagination will always get the best of me, but i know something felt wrong there is a promised land between appliances let me take your hand step through the washer
4.
while you were on your way up i came back down and had a look around it’s not much but we all gotta start small we chase the same insane ugly waterfalls i might be barking up the wrong tree but could you make some space between cause i only want to be seen for me yeah, for me well nothing’s really changed it seems when we try to talk, you only see yourself in the frame you’ve measured out i still have the same three enemies and i’ll carry on with damage done til the flame dies down how come every time i think about the ways i’ve been cursed, i make it worse well i’m ready to do the brunt of this work yeah i don’t care if it hurts
5.
hymn 01:44
how i feel is how i feel when i know that it's real can you see better times when you stop to close your eyes well i know it's hard to heal but you are strong, just like me
6.
if i could drive, i’d pick you up and take you for a ride watch the lights as they phase out, reappear, on the other side yeah, spending time with you made me feel good but now i’m stuck in the same place where you once stood if i could drive, i’d close my eyes and floor it right into white light we did the best we could they never wanted to come and maybe we could’ve tried but when i saw them go cold in your arms i knew that it was done i knew that it was done if i could drive i’d take it real slow figure out where i wanna go
7.
if the flame dies down or if the lights all go out where will we be i'd try to find some higher ground where i can't be found i'd climb up a tree there's some feelings that i hold deep down in my soul waiting to be released now i don't hurt myself to put my pain on someone else i leave the book on the shelf and i choose to believe in the way my friends sing putting out my grief, oh could i forgive? could i forgive? could i forgive? could i forgive?
8.
cancer moon 04:05
easy come and easy go i tried and now i know i will never go back to before and i can try to sympathize up until another lie comes my way when i’m gunning for it i've grown weary of stating intention as a means to atone cause i can understand how that could make you feel alone i thought i’d never change my name i always wanted something to stay the same but i learned to let it go the way the lava flows into a hole and these days i’d sooner reconcile the blame than hide away inside the shame i promised myself that i would not do that again and i could take a little pain for me if i could take away any pain from you yeah i lost more than a few running round underneath the cancer moon and i could take a little pain for me if i could take away any pain from you yeah i lost more than a few running round underneath the cancer moon
9.
grateful 02:00
so you leave me like this needing more than you could comfortably give i know you can't explain why you are this way and i'm really just the same suppressing the things that cause us pain now every time i wake up, i know the deal that there is nothing left to sift through not sure if this wound will ever heal but i am grateful that i knew you
10.
fights 04:36
and now when i’m around you’re not looking up from your phone but it’s hard to tell what’s changed from before and i can count on one hand, all the fights; that don’t make it right but maybe, it doesn’t matter anymore yeah i tried my best to keep it together but what for? yeah i tried my best to keep it together woke up the eyeballs then put them right back to sleep, for now then i went outside just to see if i could from here, somehow recreate circumstances i wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole thinking about all the things you would say if you saw

about

i’ve been writing songs for almost 8 years now. i started when i was in a pretty rough and transformative time in my life, and for a bit, i truly felt like writing songs was saving my life. when everything else was going to shit for me, making songs was the one thing that kept me grounded and brought me joy.

making any kind of art feels a lot like therapy in that the nature of your relationship to the process changes based on where you’re at mentally and what you’re trying to get out of it.

with this album, though, i felt ready to stop processing things through song as they happened in the moment, i wanted to dig deeper into different ways of telling stories. there’s a common theme throughout the album about waking up, and to me, it’s about gaining self-awareness in the context of how we exist in the larger world. nothing happens in a vacuum; every choice we make affects other people. i view this album as a somewhat nonlinear but cohesive collection of stories and smaller moments, that create a narrative of growth, which itself i think is pretty nonlinear. there will always be peaks and valleys along the way, doesn’t mean you aren’t still moving forward.

thanks so much for listening <3

credits

released September 7, 2022

bark dog is blair jasper: vocals, production, mixing, artwork

written and recorded at bennington college and at home in newton mass april 2022–august 2022

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about

bark dog Boston, Massachusetts

bark dog is the recording project of nonbinary experimental musician/artist blair jasper (they/them)
gdpj87@gmail.com

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