holding pattern

by bark dog

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1.
what could i say to you right now to try to get through somehow ain't no benefit to your doubts but maybe that's your way out
2.
she parked the car in the field by the middle school and we met her there by the old swimming pool i cannot quantify just how i feel when she won't tell me the deal seems like it's on we better go i've heard that sound before keeping up with conditional tendencies when you never say what you really mean how many times have we come this far just to give it up? even if you are ready to tackle this your paradigm shifted a little bit hellish times inside a bubble in the night heaven's gate is opening up wide hellish times inside a bubble in the night heaven's gate is opening up wide
3.
4.
dinghy 02:55
i washed up on the beach and there were starfish surrounding me they couldn’t talk or ask about my day but we were friends anyway and we built a little dinghy and pushed it out to the sea there was a point in my life where i could’ve gotten on that boat but now i’d rather never know
5.
general idea 03:39
for the first time in a long time i waited so long but i’ve had my fill the picture ain’t right the whites are dissolved over creating a halo around the frame well where have you been? and what did you do? give me one good reason not to put this on you i sleep through the night and everything’s fine til i get water in my eyes from here on out i am here right now from here on out i am here right now
6.
for a while, when i had a stress dream i’d get deadnamed cause i still had shit to work through in my brain i was sick from all the wounds i left untended all these tattered garments that i could never mend wasn’t hard-pressed to make another copy when the meter was dipping in the red so i unclipped my harness from the hook and felt myself descend there’s nothing on the walls and there’s nothing on the floor i check my phone and open up my messages and there’s some texts i had missed from before: “yeah there‘s some guy outside, we don’t know what’s he doing it feels weird, he’s on his own and we’re sure that no one’s seen him around here before” “oh fuck” “we think he’s coming to the door”
7.
help me out of this fortified nightmare i've tried to feel my way through the dark can you light a match in this wet tomb try to hold on to the spark in time, we'll be the fossils they found in time, we'll be the dust the wind blows around and i can make peace with that black cat crossing my path i can feel the spray on my face the dead sea stretching for days out on every side of my melting horizon line and i know i will go give me a chance to show my devotion the dance is slow
8.
limiter 03:45
would you like to leave you’re not here for me to keep but just so you know when you’re away i’m having better days and i never understood how you always could be so unkind when it suited you
9.
full precipitation and i’m on the attack a thousand open windows couldn’t hold it back and i could worry about the way you take your form oh won’t you hurry up and take what’s mostly yours a point of forced contention habits dying hard microwaved conversations in the dark i will follow your directions to the store up and down the backroads forever, back and forth but i’ll see you at the last house party ever all the way over there in the corner just wanting to go home
10.
you took some time away from us and didn't like when i called your bluff but what could i have said about other stuff when i knew how deep i had cut the lights inside my brain make me feel so insane but i know you'll remember this it's something i could not forget maybe this time i took it too far maybe i made things real hard but i can still turn myself around and that's what it's really all about
11.
no one said a word that night we just took in the silence and sat on the ice passing around a cigarette we didn't get upset and when we went home we didn't feel it yet not til the seeping in the head it started real quiet, like a baby's breath then it got a little harsher, like the way you did when it got even louder, i thought enough had been said i thought enough had been said compounding light permeated my skull and i was full, yeah i was full is there a place to hold my anger? is there a place to hold what's mine? is there a place to rest my body? is there a place that's warm inside? is there a place for me? is there a place for me? is there a place for me? is there a place for me? is there a place for me? is there a place for me? is there a place for me? is there a place for me?

credits

released January 1, 2023

bark dog is blair jasper: vocals, production, mixing, artwork

backing vox on "the last house party ever" by olivia phillips

written and recorded at bennington college september 2022–december 2022

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bark dog Boston, Massachusetts

bark dog is the recording project of nonbinary experimental musician/artist blair jasper (they/them)
gdpj87@gmail.com

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